Love letter to my kissing spine horse

For the last years I had so many conversations about kissing spines and kissing spine horses. About the journey and I've seen so many people walk the unique path with their horse. But for me, honestly, every journey should start here. The embarking of a new adventure, the start of a new path. By writing a love letter to your horse. And every time you struggle. Every time you feel like giving up, go back to your letter. It will guide you in your journey. 

For me writing the letter was about forgiving myself for my mistakes and getting rid of my ego that was in my way. It helped me to find some peace with the journey. It's the most vulnerable I've exposed myself to the world, but I am only human and the struggle is real. I preach what I have practiced, so here is my letter.

My dearest Pura, let me start with apologizing.

In the beginning I just thought you were an angry, nasty, spoiled mare. You were the purest example why I never liked mares to begin with. I am sorry I was so opinionated. I had no idea in how much pain you were. Carrying a baby in your belly while your body was aching. I want to apologize for not seeing the signs. For riding you with an unfit saddle. I'm sorry I thought you were just nasty, angry, lazy or naughty. That my ego was so blown up that I needed to proof that I could just 'ride you straight'. That I took your behavior as 'I don't want to' instead of 'I can't do'. I'm sorry I punished you while you had all the reasons the scream out loud. I'm so sorryI let you be in so much pain without doing anything or evening wondering what was causing your behavior.. I'm sorry I asked more of your body than you could handle because I didn't realize something else was going on. 

For riding you for hours in the forest for 3 days. I think you liked the trip but it must have been so hard on your body. 

I didn't know any better. Or maybe I didn't want to see it. I never meant to hurt you but I did and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I ignored you, I'm sorry I pushed you to carry me around, to give me more while you couldn't. I'm sorry I made you lose trust in your body. I'm even more sorry if you lost your trust in me. 

I still remember the day that I tried to ride you and just kept throwing me off. It was the day that I decided something needed to happen. But in that moment, I still remember, how much I hated you. I couldn't sell you, but I hated you. And I am sorry I that threw that amount of anger and frustration at you. You really DID NOT deserve that. And I still feel so guilty for not seeing what you were trying to tell me that day.

I want to thank you, my love

Despite all my mistakes you have been so patient with me. And I want to thank you for your patience. For staying honest with me and you kept speaking out loud. Thank your for forgiving me my mistakes. Thank you that you're still here and I can try to correct my mistakes. Thank you for still trying to do what I ask of you. Thank you for your honesty, for keep trying to communicate with me. Thank you for giving me this chance to learn new things and trying to do better. I believe you came onto my path for a reason. I couldn't ignore this feeling inside me that you had to stay with me when you were up for sale. But I think I start to realize why. You were meant to teach me something and my love, and you did. 

You touch my soul and you're so deep in my heart. You're my master and my horse mentor. And I can only be eternally grateful for how you changed my life already.

Let me promise you this, my precious Pura

I will do whatever is in my power to help you get better. I will go as fast or as slow as you need me to go. I promise I will listen to you and I will see you to the best of my ability. I promise that I will get you whatever you need to be freed from your pain. I will learn as much as I can. I will give you my best, every day. Because you deserve it. I will make the best decisions I can, keeping your physical and mental comfort on top of the priority list. 

And when I see the pain doesn't go away. If I continue to see you struggle. I promise I will let you go. 

I love you Pura. You're a friend I always can rely on. You're always there for me carrying my load. You always comfort me when I am down. And I would feel terrible if I'd lose you. I will take care of you until death do us part.

But until that day I will fight for you. 

I am going to help you, my love, I am going to help you.

I love you with all my heart,

Sabine